Dealing with coworker

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

From Melissa C. Stoppler, M.D., - Your Guide to Stress Management

Whether meddling but well-intentioned or blatantly confrontational, coworkers are cited by many people as the number one stress-inducing factor on the job. In contrast to your private life, you rarely can choose the people with whom you spend the majority of each working day. Across professional and workplace boundaries, difficult coworkers tend to fall into one of several categories. See if you can recognize these coworker types, and read suggestions for managing coworker stress.

1. The Chatty Neighbor
The type: The Chatty Neighbor need not be in geographic proximity to your work space, but when he feels like a chat, he's always there. The topic isn't so important as the Neighbor's need for chatter and distraction. Generally well-meaning, he views his willingness to shoot the breeze all day as a sign of good will and solidarity. If the constant babbling doesn't get to you, the time lost from your other responsibilities will.

The solution: Create an illusion of psychological distance (if physical distancing, such as shutting the door) isn't an option. You can "wall off" a workspace to a certain extent with bookshelves, plants, etc. Try responding to the conversation with short yes/no answers or "hmms" that won't encourage further discourse. You can head off "chat attacks" before they start by appearing totally engrossed in an activity or picking up the phone. If all else fails, respond with, "Oh, sorry, I didn't hear you at all - I'm so busy with this deadline."

2. The Slanderer
The type: Not the least well-intentioned, the Slanderer is, just as the name implies, determined to achieve personal rewards by discrediting others. The Slanderer's well-timed gossip tidbits about everything from your work habits to your personal life may be twisted versions of the truth or outright lies. This coworker type may appear friendly and open, as she hopes you'll reveal some useful material about yourself.

The solution: Absolutely refuse to get into a character assassination war or office feud. Spreading negative rumors as revenge about the Slanderer will only lower people's estimation of you and your abilities (after all, no one will remember who started the attacks; you'll both be viewed as petty and untrustworthy). Prove the negative rumors wrong through your capabilities and performance.

3. The Best Friend
The type: The Best Friend is completely and unconditionally open with all the details of his/her private life, and expects reciprocation. No matter if you're uncomfortable hearing about the last fight with his ex or what her gynecologist said, you'll wind up on the receiving end of a lot of unwanted information. The Friend generally subscribes to the rule of the office as family; intrusive questions are the behavioral norm.

The solution: Recognize that you're not the one being inappropriate and don't feel compelled to discuss any topics you consider off-limits. Don't encourage further personal revelations by offering advice or asking for more information when the Friend opens up. You certainly are not required to answer personal questions; often a laugh or joke is the best reply to an offensive question.

4. The Thief
The type: The Thief is always on the lookout for opinions and ideas that she can pass along to others as her own. Victims of office Thieves have been astonished to hear their own ideas mentioned later by the boss as "brilliant suggestions" from the Thief herself.
Thievery can also occur with written projects - your ideas mysteriously appear in someone else's report.

The solution: Once burned, learn from the experience. Crying "she stole my idea" isn't going to win you any points or respect. As with the Slanderer, don't get into an office war, and limit your discussions with this person to topics such as the weather.

5. The Clinger
The type: The Clinger, like the Best Friend, views the office as one happy family. If you work together, the Clinger sees no harm in -and even welcomes - spending weekends, evenings, and holidays together. He's always suggesting going out after work, playing ball,
or some other group activity. If you're enthusiastic and willing to socialize with the office crowd, this type isn't a problem. The problems arise when you want to maintain some distance.

The solution: Decide how much of your private time you're willing to share with office-mates. Participate in group activities when you have the inclination, and resist the need to apologize or provide excuses when you don't.

6. The Secret Agent
The type: Everyone has encountered the office spy- he's the boss's eyes and ears. Luckily, this person generally blows his Secret Agent cover fairly rapidly. Unfortunately, there are always victims who must learn about this type the hard way.
The solution: Same as for #4, the Thief. Learn from your experience and move on.

Blogged on 2:10 PM by Upay

|

~~~